i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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