Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
