Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize