took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
