So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
