Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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