eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
