I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.