Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...