I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
