I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
