i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
