my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
