He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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