So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
