this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
