Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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