We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
