Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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