Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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