Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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