Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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