Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My life is pants optional.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
