WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
