I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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