Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
