God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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