I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
