I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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