I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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