Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important