i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.