How has he not realized you're pregnant?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.