I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
