I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
