It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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