I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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