just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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