just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
