Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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