she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
