Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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