i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
