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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
