Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
