ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
