I love black thongs
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
