I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
sarcasm needs its own font
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
