he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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