Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
