If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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