I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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