I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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