My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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