Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
