my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize