Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
