im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
