highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
