Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
