Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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