i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
handjob tips. give me some.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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