He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.