Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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