so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him