Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had